B. wrote for a tabloid in Santa Monica’s affluent neighborhood. The scandals didn’t go unnoticed, and B. never missed a beat. When Henry Waxman gave Franklin Elementary School the ‘ol red-white’n blue from the set of ‘Indepedence Day’, everyone was talking about aliens in the government hidden in Neil Schmidt’s basement (Neil was the Superintendent of schools in Santa Monica at the time). And no matter what he wrote, B. lived peacefully in his childhood home, safe from the evils he mocked.

I met B. not long after he wrote a piece that mentioned my name. It was a rather well-written and humbly stylish bit and not altogether something you’d expect to find in a tabloid–other than lies, of course. But boy, was I upset!

Needless to say, I tracked B. down and threatened his life. I told him to print this piece instead or I’d cause uncertain evils to befall him. But you’ve all read about that by now.

Look: I’ve behaved as a person knows it should be. To tell you so is an act of honesty, as will what follows be true.

Five record producers: me, Frodo Leep, Santa Poole, Ed Dripner and 10 Directions began to gather on Ed’s neighbor’s, Joey Francis, front lawn for cigars and car talk about 3 months prior to B.’s piece that mentioned my name. Nothing special. We were there to figure out how to make the next big hit without doing any work–really, we didn’t even talk shop any of those nights and just let the tarantulas swing their bats, if you know what I mean.

Categories: #SLOAFNOWTONGO

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